Keeping track of your offspring: Lesson 101
| Brian Rogers Rogers Rabbits www.sunlive.co.nz |
Enjoying yourselves this summer? Someone can soon put a stop to that. Or so the Fun Police think.
All over the country, good clean fun is getting the brakes firmly applied, as Health and Safety, noise control and increasingly petty Nanny State officiousness bites home. In a never-ending drive to envelope the entire population in bubble wrap, the do-gooders have been busy all summer scheming ways to strip us of any adventure lessons at the School of Hard Knocks. A beloved skate ramp in Sumner has been shut down, after it failed noise control tests. Riders in Wakefield Ave took a final skate on the half pipe on Thursday, after the council ordered its demise. The ramp was originally sited at the Sumner Village Green but later booted out by construction of the Sumner Community Centre and moved up the road. Talks are continuing in the hope of relocation, in the meantime the kids miss out on a chunk of summer fun.
Dastardly trees
In leafy suburbs of Auckland, children's swings have been banned from roadside trees…citing safety and “tree health”. Parents in Sandringham have been issued notices to dismantle the rope-and-seat swings. As one resident, and recalcitrant swing-installer commented: “It's not like it swings out onto the road”. Here at RR, we think a swing out to the road would be pretty exciting concept and we'd like to draw this to the attention of the young chap who recently rode his luge cart down the steep side of the Kaimai Range. But meanwhile in the leafy suburbs, the councils expect locals to mow the berm, but then take control of the tree—and the airspace between – when it suits them. One of the complainants alleged the tree branch wasn't strong enough to support the swing. We think, so what? If the branch breaks and a kid hits the turf, isn't that a life lesson? I'm sure swings have been dangling from trees, strong or not, dumping brats unceremoniously for centuries and that's all part of growing up and learning respect for the outdoors. Countless Kiwi kids have spent their idyllic summers dangling from a rope with a well-worn plank for a seat, or an old car tyre. What's next in the PC safety brigade sights? Ban jandals because they're a trip hazard? Outlaw iceblocks in case someone chokes on the stick? There was one case this week, however that probably went a bit far, in letting kids learn the hard way…
Parent of the Year
Parent of the Year Award goes to the Hamilton couple who succeeded in leaving one of their offspring in a car sales yard overnight. We're not sure how someone could drive halfway across Hamilton without noticing a five-year-old slithering around in the backseat of a loan car. Usually they make enough noise and annoyance, their presence is more than obvious. But it's a good result and a happy ending, unlike some of the high profile missing children cases that spring to mind. For a while there, it looked like Hamilton may have had its own version of the Madeleine McCann case evolving; only with fewer tapas and more KFC. Mind you it's not easy being a parent. And keeping tabs on six little buggers can be a nightmare.
Back seat mystery
I know a parent who, on the way to work, pulled up at school to drop off the kids, only to discover it was school holidays. The kids weren't in the back seat and the school was closed. Personally, I only had to track a maximum of two anklebiters and a dog; and found that if you leashed a few of them together they tended to stay in a handy radius of about 1.5 metres. That always worked well, until they saw a cat. Which could explain why one of the offspring turned out to be quite a keen runner; the other adept at hanging on tight and enjoying the ride. Even now after nearly 30 years those kids are still quite hard to keep track of. One recently turned up in Colorado but has since found her way home. The other was last seen heading for Te Puke. If I don't hear from him soon, I might have to go check out the caryards in Jellicoe St. Just in case they've a spare 25-year-old taken up residence in a back seat.
Other cases
A few decades ago, the secret love child of Chewbacca and Cruella de Vil, mysteriously disappeared; but emerged just this year as President of the United States.
Bizarre disappearance
One of the most bizarre disappearances that leaves us with a burning question at the end, is that of Zebb Quinn of Asheville, North Carolina. In January 2000, Zebb met a friend after work, Robert Owens, to view a car to buy. He accidentally rear-ended Robert's truck. After apologising, he told Robert he could no longer see the car that night. He drove off. Robert was treated for injuries from what he said was an unrelated road accident in the early hours of January 3. On January 4, Robert called Zebb's workplace and said his friend was sick and wouldn't be turning up for work. He gave a statement to Police, but later refused to cooperate any further. Two weeks later, Zebb's car was found parked at a restaurant.
Found inside was a hotel key, a jacket that wasn't Zebb's, and a Labrador-cross puppy in the back seat that also wasn't his. Drawn on the back window in lipstick was a pair of lips and two exclamation marks. So since the year 2000 many have been asking where is Zebb? Here at RR, we just want to know after 17 years: What happened to the puppy?