Brian Rogers Rogers Rabbits www.sunlive.co.nz

Despite our suggestions last week for you all to be sensible, it seems many of you have been ignoring this safety advice.

With another humungous storm battering the Bay, it's a good time to again try to preserve the lives of our readers by urging that you stay safely on higher ground, avoiding the cyclone. If you have to venture out, only go as far as the letterbox to get the Sun paper.

But I guess if you're reading this, then you've already survived the mission unscathed.
Which is more than we can say for some of the foolhardy out there, who think storms and flooding are a time to become U-Tube sensations by undertaking risky adventures.

Battered fish

First up, avoid the sea. The swell is forecast to be five or six metres by Thursday. This not a good time to try surfing or any sort of boating beyond the harbour mouth. Anyone leaving harbour in the next couple of days are more likely to end up battered fish.  

Please, stay on shore and enjoy the Easter entertainment such as the jazz. (p5) Or the sizzling sausages at Grower Direct (p33)

Kidding, surely?

Secondly, don't let your kids drive you and your goat around town.

Unlike the Ford Falcon carload, filmed in Whitianga this week.

Nothing really surprises me these days but I was astounded to see a video on Newsie this week of an (alleged) eight year old driving the family station wagon down the road.

With a goat in the back.

(Not sure if this story needed the goat in the back to make it any more sensational but hey, let's run with it.)

Buckle up, buttercup

The police are particularly keen to see that everyone and their goats get home safely.

“We encourage everyone to keep an eye out for each other and be safe,” says Inspector Pete Mckennie, Manager of Road Policing Operations.

“So, if you're travelling on the country's roads, this means driving to the conditions, particularly if the weather is going to be wet and the visibility bad, as well as making sure to ‘buckle up buttercup', not drink and drive, and to please check your speed.”
Our suggestion goes one further, and that is not to have the goat and the buttercup on the same seat. That is only going to end in tears.

Thirdly, if you venture downtown to the jazz festival, please do so safely and take care around the new Tidal Stairs that are likely to get a hammering from the forecast
Nor-easters.

Fourthly, watch out for skimmers and scammers. Keep your bank cards closely guarded and your pins and passwords safe from prying eyes. A skimming gang has been fleecing folk in Tauranga and Brookfield.

Cover your PIN when you use it. And your goat's. The last thing we want to see is them being milked.


Set on revenge

Fifthly, don't upset your husband. A Russian women recently did, and he retaliated by filling the interior of her car with concrete. We're not sure exactly what sort of act requires such dire revenge tactics, but the guy was laughing as he directed the concrete mixer up to the passenger window, and proceeded to fill the car with cement.

Catastrophe

Sixthly, beware of cats. They may be dangerous. (My dog has been trying to tell me this for years.)  A new report (isn't there always?) warns that a parasite commonly found in cat doodoos can alter the human brain's chemistry, putting it more at risk of Alzheimer's Disease. Toxoplasma gondii is also linked to increased risk of anxiety, brain cancer, anxiety, schizophrenia, anxiety, and repeating oneself.

Anyone pregnant are already advised to avoid kitty litter. Personally, I avoid it at all times, not just when pregnant. The study says more people should be cautious. Remember, a goat may be relying on you.

Safety cones

Seventhly and finally, beware of icecreams. Even though summer is over, many of you may be enjoying a frozen treat over Easter. But they are a hazard. (They should have cones around them.)

Icecream mishaps, beach and barbecue injuries costs Kiwis millions a year, with ACC paying out more than half a million in December and January alone.

And sand is one of the most treacherous of substances. Assuming the cyclone doesn't wash it all away, sand poses a major threat to the happiness of our readers. ACC paid out $1.8 million last summer to the victims of sand; injuries such as falling over in sandpits, sprains and rolled ankles from diving into sand bars. Around 2500 people were beaten up by sand.

One even managed to land in hospital after jumping on a sand castle.

That's it for now Sunners. We've done our best to keep you safe by identifying these specific hazards, some storm related and some stupid related. It's up to you, we hope to see you and your goats back here next week in good order.

Parting thoughts

Astute reader Keith points out, after reading the Sun, there are not just old tyres around now but ORPHAN tyres!  “Goodness me. I wonder if we should
adopt some and put them in our ‘retyrement fund?”

Recently the local courthouse was given a new name…The ‘Tauranga District Court' became the ‘District Court of Tauranga'. The justice department seems to have rejected Keith's brilliant idea, for it be renamed the more-apt ‘Tauranga Caught.'

brian@thesun.co.nz